Old friends

Why do we friend people we lost touch with ten years ago on facebook?
Honestly, it's not evfen like we really care to TALK to them and re establish a friendship that already died. No!
MORBID CURIOSITY! Nothing else. We wanna see who got fat, and who got thin. Who's married? Did that disgusting couple ever break up? I sure hope that guy who bullied mein high school isn't more successful than I am OH FUCK HE IS! GOD DAMN IT!!! Wow, she got HOTTT!!!
(insert Seth Rogan voice. I just feel like this is a rant that would come from one of his movies) Wait, it says she is in a relationship with another girl. So...is she a lesbian or is this one of those things where girls say they are in a relationship with another girl cuz they are best friends and they think it's so funny hahahaha...? Let me check her preference...GAH SHE LEFT IT BLANK!!!! Why would she feel the need to fill the relationship slot unnecessarily but not fill out the preference slot?! Is it some kind of secret?! If she doesn't want to the world to know what she is up to WHY THE FUCK IS SHE ON FACEBOOK?!?!?!
(end seth rogan voice)
But seriously, there are some old best friends I contacted on facebook and actually caught up a little. But my contact with them is minimal. There are some I never contact at all, I looked at their profile once and now they are a minor inconvenience on my news feed. Damn you, facebook. Damn you.